She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I will pee on everything he values.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
