For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
