I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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