things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
