I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
