Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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