just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
