bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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