No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
