literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
