I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
