I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Four minutes until I can fart!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
