Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
