Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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