I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
