i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You made out with two different species that night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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