So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
