so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
