She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
