maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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