he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
