I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
