Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
