I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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