i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
