She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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