if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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