I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
