I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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