Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
