just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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