I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
