He passed out mid-signature
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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