I bet he comes in French.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
