Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am available for nakedness
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
