im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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