After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
