Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
