So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
