Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
