You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish i was in the wii world.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
