everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
