You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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