I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
