exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
