she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
