dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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