there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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