I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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