Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
